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Finding My Creative Soul

By Glenn Charles Photography

July 29^th, 2022

Taking a break, not taking a break

For the longest portion of my life, I have identified or characterized myself as a photographer. During my 60 years on this planet, I have held a camera in my hand for almost 55 of those winding years. Throughout this time, when I felt in need of connecting with my inner peace, my creative soul, all I had to do was pick up the camera and take pictures. Pictures of just about anything, it really did not matter, it was instead the simple act of visually expressing my inner self through the simple snap of the shutter. That act, would ground me in a way that nothing else did. No matter the chaos of current life, taking pictures brought me peace.

and then....

Suddenly or maybe slowly, picking up the camera and taking pictures no longer brought me peace. I noticed this happening more and more over the last several years until this past year, no matter what I did, picking up the camera caused me to feel this weird sense of dread, of anxiety, of doubt.

It was emotionally brutal because it had always been my rock; the simple act that I could rely on to make me breathe and get in touch with my inner emotions. I had no idea what was going on. I changed camera systems 6 times in the last 3 years. I wasted a ridiculous amount of money chasing a fix to this emotional creative funk that I was dealing with.

While a geek at heart, like a good drug, each new change brought a brief sense of euphoria quickly followed by a return to my status quo. Gear was clearly not the answer. I was lost, frustrated, depressed.

Digging deep to find the answer

I wrote in my journal constantly searching for the answer with no clear answer in site. I stopped taking pictures for a while, thinking I just needed a rest. Nothing worked, and honestly, I felt this sense of despair that perhaps I was heading down a path that did not involve taking pictures. I was not and am not prepared to accept that as my fate. Still, I was lost without the grounding compass of my photography to show me which way was North.

Returning to my roots to find my future

As I struggled to sort these issues out, two things dramatically changed how I was approaching this problem, not knowing ahead of time, that they would both lead me to a similar conclusion. The first was watching the transition of a dear friend from one career to another. During this time he began to simply tell his story, from a deep and personal level, with no regard to likes and follows. It was so amazing to watch his blend of words and images as he maneuvered down the path of life. He posted less on social media and more on his own web site. He moved from creating for others and back to creating for himself. He has now transitioned into a position of creating art and physical work that brings himself joy without regard to likes and follows. I began to sense a theme as I watched this last year play out for him, and it did not go unnoticed.

Finding the answer.... I think

The second, and perhaps more enlightening discovery, was an attempt on my part to return to my roots, to look back in order to find the answer for the future. I have lived many lives and done many things, but as I said, I have, and always will, be a photographer, a visual storyteller, a user of images to share MY vision of the world.

I have an archive of digital and physical media that goes back over 40 years. What I would not give to have my images from the first 15 years of my photographic journey, but alas, all I have from that time is random memories and old images of me, as a little kid, sporting my fathers camera around my little neck.

Back then, the common thread was I took images for me, at least when not shooting professionally. Those images, those acts of shooting, were me seeing the world and with a click of a button, freezing time in a way that was most relevant to me. Sure, it was nice to show someone a picture that you thought was beautiful, and there is still nothing like the experience of printing your work and sharing it with the world. But the difference, and the key component was the act of shooting, and I mean the actual act of shooting, the moment when the shutter was pressed, was for no one else other than myself.

At no time when I took the picture was I thinking how would the rest of the world receive this image. Would this image be good enough to get comments or likes or shares or gain followers. It was, in its purest form, my personal ability to capture a moment in time that resonated with my inner soul. If I was lucky, I would look at the negative or slide or contact sheet or proof and find something that spoke to ME, but if if I didn't, that was ok.

There was absolutely zero expectation about what others may or may not feel/think/say with regards to any of the images that I had captured on that roll of TMAX (god I loved TMAX)... Oh and Kodachrome 64. Those were my two favorites.... And while I digress, all these years laters those carefully stored negatives and slides still look as beautiful today as they did in the past. A true miracle if you ask me....

Today

The answer was clear and obvious and not obvious. I don't want to be one of those people that piles on whatever is in vogue to pile on , but this was clear as day, as it relates to ME and my creative issues. SOCIAL MEDIA killed my creative spirit. It dragged it through the mud, kicked it while it was down and sprinkled dirt on it while I was on the ground licking my wounds.

When I look back over this period of time when I felt the lowest, creatively, I can clearly see that it was because every time I went out to take pictures, I was thinking about social media. Could I make an image that would get likes, shares, comments, etc. All of the things that had nothing to do with what photography meant to ME. It had literally sucked the life blood out of my creative existence and I never saw it coming.

But I do now and I have a plan to move forward and reconnect with what is most important to me. You see, I actually derive pleasure in creating and sharing what I see through the lens of a camera. However, I can't have the act of sharing be what defines the act of creating. It needs to be organic, like it was in my past. A time where I took pictures for me and then, only then, if there was something that warranted sharing, then I would, via a print.

Now I am not prepared to go all the way back to simply looking at contact sheets and proofs and random 4x6 prints because I want to embrace modern day technology and modern day communication. However, and again, simply for me, the path forward is to shoot what I want and share something that is worthy of sharing... simply because I want to share it with others.

I have closed down my social media accounts. I may come back some day, but I honestly doubt it. FB has ruined IG and Twitter is a royal mess. I have even closed down my website short of a landing page and a newsletter subscription form. Instead, I will focus on this site, which honestly has always brought me great pleasure.

Every story I have ever posted on this site was filled with images and words that were captured from the heart and freely shared with whomever wanted to read them. I don't follow the likes or comments or shares or whatever metrics Exposure has going. Instead, I have always used it as a visual journal for stories that I want to share.

If you made it this far, thanks. I needed to get this off my chest and put words to paper. Sort of a cleansing of the system with a public commitment to doing something that is important to me. I look forward to sharing more of what I see with a few random words thrown in to connect the dots. Oh, and lastly, the PRINT. Yes, I am going to reconnect with the print and the physical form because I don't think anything is more joyous that creating and printing and sharing a image with others using large scale physical media.

The only true failure is shrinking from lifes challenges

Random Patterns Everywhere

Sometimes, when walking the beach, I find it soothing to search out these random images that really can't be seen unless photographed. After all, who goes and lies down in the sand, peering into the grass, looking for patterns.... Thats right, essentially no one. However, do the same thing, with camera in hand, pick a spot to focus and take a capture. Wow, suddenly the randomness creates patterns that often times are visually appealing. Light, shadow, texture, lines, ... Who knows what you will find, but often, for me, it is an image that is extremely pleasing to the eye.

Why do I bring this up? Well, two fold. First, because it is simply a style of imagery that I enjoy creating and sharing. Especially when shot with the Leica M10M and the 50/1,4 Sumilux. There is something about that cameras ability to capture tones, shadow, texture in a way that no ordinary B&W conversion can create. I simply find it visually stimulating.

Second, well, it reminds me to just go create, without intent, other than the intent of creating. There are images to be made all around us, often in places that we would not normally see. It is easy for me to forget this, thus forcing the process of creating instead of allowing the process of creating to lead me in an appropriate direction. I guess one could say the same is true for the Path. Trying to find the Path versus allowing the Path to reveal itself....